


Always Gold

by holdingontolou



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Background Relationships, Coming of Age, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Flashbacks, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:42:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26472826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdingontolou/pseuds/holdingontolou
Summary: Logan looked pained. He made a soft, guttural noise in his throat and muttered, “It was my college fund, Louise.”Louise blankened her stare before raising her hands and slamming them down on the table in front of her. The guy in the booth behind them jumped.“What the FUCK is a college fund?”-Louise Belcher met Logan Bush for the first time when she was nine-years-old, and she hated him completely.Eleven years later, her feelings still haven't changed.
Relationships: Louise Belcher/Logan Bush, Past Louise Belcher/Rudolph "Regular Sized Rudy" Steiblitz, Past Tina Belcher/Zeke (Bob's Burgers), Past Tina Belcher/jimmy Pesto Jr., Tina Belcher/Josh from Fresh Feed, Tina Belcher/Zeke (Bob's Burgers)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 40





	1. May, 2020: She's a Burger Boss

The thing about crappy towns, Louise had come to realize, was that they were exactly as their name said: they were crappy. Ocean City of New Jersey wasn’t an exception. In fact, it was almost a perfect match for how one might envision a crappy town. 

And yet still, there was something special to her about the way the sun hit Wonder Wharf in the evenings and there was something special about the way the snow lightened in the early morning of the sunrise when it first fell. There was something gentle about the midnight street lights and the gingerbread-y smell of the arts center right before winter break hit. 

It was one of those early-mornings when even the birds have yet to awaken, and Louise was brewing a cup of coffee while mopping the floors of the restaurant. She shivered as she propped the mop up against the wall, wearing a leather jacket that practically swallowed her with a pair of faded, flared Levis and a jaggedly-cut crop top. The window behind the grill was propped open, a cold breeze blowing in despite it nearing the end of May. On the floor below her, Converse-shaped mud stains tracked her steps. She sighed and moped those spots, too. 

She was opening the fridge and trying to decide if she should go get more ground beef from the butcher when Linda walked in, her shirt on both inside out and backwards. She yawned and rubbed her eyes when she caught Louise, and Louise caught the  _ still _ that she makes, the short moment of surprise as if to say,  _ You’re still here? _

And—this hadn’t been her plan, necessarily, still living at home at twenty one-years-old, doing online college part time part-time while her siblings were in college and working and living on their own, completely independent from their parents. 

But Linda seemed to recover in the split-second that Louise stared at the ground, self-conscious hands shoved in her pockets, Linda’s voice loud and cheery.

“And what are you doing up this early, little Miss-Missy?” 

Louise gestured towards the mop. “What does it look like?” 

“Is it a surprise party for Bobby and I? Oh, Louise!”

“Mom, what?” 

Linda straightened her glasses and briefly glanced down at the tag of her shirt. “The restaurant, oh, you know—!” 

Louise stared at her and flatly replied, “I really don’t.” She leaned against the mop and almost slipped forward, but she pulled back up before she fell too far.

Linda’s hands were thrown up in the air as she replied. “It’s the twenty-fifth anniversary of it!” 

“Oh…” Louise laughed a little too loudly and thought about last year, when both she and her father had forgotten about the anniversary. Linda hadn’t spoken to them for three days after that. “Of course, Mother! Of course I couldn’t have forgotten about the  _ twenty-fifth anniversary of the restaurant _ !” 

Linda joined in with her loud, honking laugh, but it’s clear she doesn’t necessarily know why she’s laughing.

Louise quickly moved forward to shoo her mother towards the door. “Mom! I can’t believe you could’ve doubted me!” 

Linda laughed again. “Oh, I didn’t doubt you, silly-pants!” She stopped and Louise almost ran into her. “Wait a minute. You didn’t forget, now did you, Louise?” 

“ _ What _ ? Mother,” she laughed again, and  _ God _ , she was doing a lot of laughing, and so was Linda, really, “I wouldn’t  _ dream _ of forgetting such an important date.” 

“Oh, hum, I can’t tell when you’re being sarcastic or not,” Linda said with a hum, and Louise got her out of the door with a final shove. The bell dinged above them. 

“Get out and don’t come back, you hear me?” she shouted out the door, and an elderly man shot her a perplexed look from the sidewalk near Jimmy Pesto’s restaurant. “I’D ADVISE YOU TO LOOK AWAY RIGHT NOW, OLD MAN!” 

“Louise!” Linda barked from the apartment door as Louise popped back inside the restaurant. 

Louise took a deep breath and pulled out her phone, flipping it open. She dialed Gene’s number and he picked up after the fourth ring. 

“If this isn’t the pizza company offering me free pizza for life, I’m not interested!” 

“Gene.”

“I would also accept payment for my ambassadorship in the form of Chunky Blast Offs!”

“Gene…what?”

“What?” 

“What?”

“What?”

“Gene.” 

“Is this the pizza company or not?” 

“GENE!” 

“Oh, hey, Louise. Sorry, I was on the phone with a pizza guy. He was offering me ambassadorship—“

“Ohh, my God.” 

“You sound like Dad!”

Sarcasm seeped into her voice. “Thank—“

“After he took that heartworm medication!” 

Louise hated that she was momentarily caught off guard. Out of anybody, only Gene Belcher had the power to do that to her. “When did that happen?” 

“Uhh.” 

“Okay, I’m calling Tina.” 

“Wait!” 

Louise tapped her foot against the ground impatiently. 

“So…this isn’t about a pizza company?” 

“AGHHH! It’s the twenty-fifth anniversary of the restaurant, and Mom thinks that I’m throwing a party.” 

“And that means…what?” 

“Can you drive down? I’m going to call Tina—“ 

“WHAT! You want me to drive down from the city in THIS weather?!” 

Louise pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s. Summer.” A moment later, “You  _ ass _ .” 

A gentle-turned-monstrous piano key crackled through the speaker of Louise’s phone and Gene began to hum, “To the N, to the Y, to the C! New! York! City!” 

“Yeah, and what’re you doing in the city, again? Sleeping off of friends’s couches?” Louise snapped, sullen and tired. 

Gene, who—after a gap-year that ensued sitting on the couch and pretending to work at the restaurant—applied to Pace and somehow got in on a scholarship for the theater program. Though working towards a theater degree, what Gene planned to do after school isn’t clear and Louise tried her hardest to pretend that doesn’t stress her out. 

There was a brief pause where Gene didn’t say anything and Louise trids to shove that lump of  _ something _ that was in her throat back down, momentarily worried she’s upset him, but Gene continued and that  _ something _ dissipated and Louise was able to convince herself that it wasn’t even there in the first place. 

“I’ll be down in an hour, but you have to pay me double my hourly rates! It’s called entertainment, damnit!” Gene shouted, and a mash of piano keys exploded out of her phone speaker before the call dropped. 

She called Tina next, already exhausted before her day’s even actually began. 

“Hey, T,” she muttered upon Tina picking up the phone almost immediately. “You available to drive down?” 

“Oh, hi, Louise,” Tina said pleasantly. “How are you doing?” 

“Can you  _ come fucking home _ ?” 

“Oh. Josh and I were actually planning on going to see this new—“ 

“Don’t care.” 

“—this new zombie movie. It’s called  _ Zombperfect _ , and it’s about a zombie who’s misunderstand by the rest of the zombies—oh, and Josh and I have a surprise—“ 

“Don’t. Care.” 

Tina sighed. The phone went muffled, but Louise could still hear Tina go, “Josh?” And then, after getting no reply, she repeated with the same exact tone and volume, “Josh?” 

After graduating high school, Tina attended college up north for two years and another two abroad, in Prague. The year Louise graduated, Tina moved an hour away to Newark and started working for a journalist company. On her way to work, she ran into her old middle-school boyfriend, Josh. He was teaching dance at a nearby academy while working on his own plays, commuting from New York City and Newark weekly. 

They’d been dating two years and it disgusted Louise completely. Within six months, they’d moved in together in a tiny apartment in Newark and adopted a dog named Dancer. When Louise snorted and asked if they’d get another one and named it Prancer, Tina stared at her blankly and said, “What?” 

With a start, Louise realized that Tina’s talking to her. 

“Why do you need us to come down, Louise?” 

“I mean,  _ the dancer  _ doesn’t have to come—“ 

It came off as a mumble, but Josh still shouted  _ Hey! _ anyways. 

“It’s the twenty-fifth anniversary of the restaurant, I guess,” Louise said. 

“What! It’s the twenty-fifth anniversary, and you didn’t tell me? What the hell, Louise!” Tina said, the volume of her voice rising ever-so-slightly but the tone still remaining flat. 

“Whoa, T. Lotta exclamation points there,” Louise said, rising her left thumb to her mouth and ripping the nail off with her teeth, leaving a jagged bed of nail. 

“What? What are you talking about?!” Tina said, sounding panicked. 

“Just—never mind. Can you make it out here?” 

“Of course I can, Louise. It’s Mom and Dad’s anniversary.” 

Louise laughed nervously. “It’s not their anniversary, you know that, right?” she attempted, but the call had already been dropped. She stared at her phone and threw it against the counter. 

“Agh, you piece of shit! Just tell me when someone fucking  _ hangs up! _ ”

She grabbed her wallet off of the counter and made her way towards the door, but she darted back once the door was already half-open and grabbed her phone. 

“I’m sorry, honey,” she murmured with mock-adoration, placing air-kisses on the phone as she walked out of the restaurant. A young couple looked at her. “What are you looking at, punks? Huh? HUH?” 

They rushed past her. 

Louise smiled despite herself and sent Linda a quick text. 

_ Working on stuff. Don’t come down until the afternoon.  _

Linda’s reply came immediately.  _ (; _

Louise rolled her eyes and tucked her phone into the pocket of her jeans.

☄☄☄

Still living at home hadn’t been Louise’s plan. She’d been looking at schools further down south, still on the east coast, when business suddenly slowed. It wasn’t just her dad’s restaurant; even Pesto came over one morning to ask Bob if business had been slow for him, too. 

A new boardwalk was built on the other side of town, and tourists and even the locals started visiting there as opposed to Ocean Avenue. Moving locations became a daily topic of conversation, but Bob’s stubbornness made sure that wasn’t going to happen. Linda and Bob began to argue like they never had before, and this time, it wasn’t about dirty laundry on the floor. Linda swore up and down that if they didn’t move their business up to the new boardwalk, they’d surely close. Bob swore up and down that he was  _ never _ going to sell out, and if that involved losing the restaurant, then “so be it.” 

(“What are you saying, Bobby, soviet? Like the Russians? Why are you saying soviet?”) 

(“What? Lin, no. Not like the Russians.  _ So-be-it _ .”) 

(“Huh?  _ So-ve-it? _ ”) 

(“Oh my God.”) 

But by the end of Louise’s senior year, the restaurant was sinking. 

So she deleted the college emails and threw away her acceptance letters before her parents could see them, signed up for a business and management degree at Ocean City Online University, and spent the summer trying to keep the restaurant afloat. When her parents asked her about the acceptance letters she’d never gotten, she cracked a joke about being dumb and they didn’t ask anymore questions. Louise had almost expected her dad to, at least, and she tried her hardest to convince herself that she wasn’t disappointed. Things were hard. Things were going to continue to be hard. 

Her parents didn’t bring up the scholarship that the University of Pennsylvania had offered her. They didn’t bring up her GPA or her SAT scores and they sure as hell didn’t ask her why she was working nine-hour shifts at the restaurant the summer before her first year of college when she should’ve been at beach week with Rudy and the Pesto twins and Jessica and Harley and Megan. 

They knew. She knew.  _ Everybody _ knew. 

But then, all of a sudden, she was twenty one years-old and still living at home. 

Business got better, gradually, after that summer. They never relocated, not exactly, but Louise got a night job working concessions so that she could open a miniature Bob’s Burgers booth down at the new boardwalk. Bob threw a fit, of course, but he relented when business picked back up. The booth sold the daily specials only (she almost got a fine for the Tickle My Big Pickle Burger, served with one, large pickle on the first day) and if people wanted to try more of Bob’s Burgers, they had to visit the main restaurant. Things worked out, anyway, because the new boardwalk burned down the July before Louise started college after Mr. Fischoeder opened a “fire rollercoaster.” 

And so, business did pick back up. Gradually. Jimmy Pesto relaxed a bit, but he’d come over every few weeks or so and, if Bob was working in the kitchen, he would stand in the middle of the restaurant awkwardly until Bob came out. He’d make a comment, shout, “Zoom!”, and leave before Bob had the chance to think of a comeback. On more than one occasion, Louise would say something before Pesto could (“Hey, JIMMY! Stop trying to FUCK my dad, you sick pervert! He’s not interested!” And as he left, shouted to customers near his store: “Don’t eat at Jimmy Pesto’s; he’s one, sick motherfucker! He likes GROSS OLD MEN!”) 

It wasn’t her best roast, granted, but Jimmy would get visibly upset and sometimes leave without saying anything. In turn, the next times he would come back, he’d have something to say about Bob  _ and _ Louise. 

The day Louise enrolled for her online degree, she promised there was nothing about herself that she was going to sacrifice to help her family.

On what feels like her eleventh year of working at her dad’s restaurant, she isn’t so sure.

☄☄☄

As she walked down the sidewalk, Louise decided to stop by Reflections for the supplies to celebrate the restaurant’s anniversary. After she passed by Mort’s, her phone rang. She dug it out with a sigh and flipped the phone open. 

“Louise,” Bob said. 

She remained quiet.

“We can’t afford to take the day off. And I know you forgot about the anniversary and I know that you’re doing this to get out of work.” 

“You forgot, too,” she replied with ease. 

“That doesn’t—call your mom. We  _ need _ the business today.” 

“Father, father,” she said with a laugh, and then realized that she doesn’t know how to continue, so she snapped the phone shut. Immediately, it began buzzing again, and she sent him one text:  _ we can open for the anniversary by lunch, old man.  _

The weather was still cool and there was a nice breeze in the air that ran through Louise’s hair. The sidewalk was still cracked and old like it always had been, but as she thought about how  _ old _ her parents are getting, how old the restaurant is, she felt grateful for the familiarity of Ocean City. 

It was a short walk to Reflections, maybe a block or two, but the shop looked almost exactly the same as it did when Louise had been a kid. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been there. Maybe when Harold first started getting sick and Bob made her and Gene bring food to Edith when they were still in high school. 

The bell above the door dinged as she stepped in. Edith, now the sole owner of the shop, sat on a stool by the counter. Her eyes snapped towards Louise, sharp and bird-like despite her age. 

“Hi, Edith.” 

Edith’s eyes went from the mud on Louise’s shoes to her hair, where the bottom underside of her black hair was dyed purple in the peek-a-boo style. 

“Child! Disgusting!” she said, her voice loud yet still croaky. 

Louise glanced around the shop. As she expected, nothing about the shop had changed probably since she was a kid. “I like what you’ve done with the place, Edith.” Her eyes landed on the urn sitting on the counter and she nodded in greeting. “Harold, good to see you.” 

“Don’t speak to him!” 

Louise craneed her head forward, hand cupped around her ear. “I think he said hello.” 

“Harold, do not speak to her!” 

“What was that, Harold? You found a new hottie in heaven? And her name is Estelle Getty?”

“Get out of my store!” Edith barked. 

“Whoa, whoa. Edi. Can I call you Edi?” 

“No!”

“Edi, baby, darling, honey, I think we got off on the wrong foot this morning.” 

Edith grunted. 

“I’m here to make a transaction,” she said smoothly, sliding a pile of cash across the counter. Edith’s eyes flickered down to them. 

“These are three ones.” 

“And there will be more from where that came from, baby. You just have to cooperate.” 

“What do you want?” she grumbled. 

“You’re invited to our restaurant this evening to celebrate our twenty-fifth anniversary.” 

“Do I have to eat the food?” 

“No,” Louise replied smoothly. 

Edith climbed down from the stool and waddled over to Louise, nearly a foot and a half shorter than her. “Fine,” is all she said. 

_ She’s gotten lonely without Harold _ , Louise realized, and there was a gentle pang in her chest. 

“Oh, and I need decorations,” Louise said. 

Edith muttered something unintelligible.

“What?” 

“Decorations!” She pointed towards a row in the back. 

Louise, momentarily uncertain of how she was supposed to decorate their restaurant, stared at the row for a moment. 

A party needs decorations. 

What were decorations?

Streamers, maybe? A banner would be nice, too, she guessed.

Parties hadn’t ever been her job. Tina had usually taken care of that, and even Gene used to, too. Holiday decorations were her mom’s job. 

“Right. Decorations,” Louise said, nodding once before making her way to where Edith had pointed. “I’m here to…get decorations.” 

Edith’s eyes narrowed. Before she could say anything, Louise scooped up a pile of random things—streamers, a long roll of paper, and a pack of balloons. 

She checked out with her credit card before Edith could do anything else and made it back to the restaurant before eight-thirty. 

When Louise opened the door, she saw Tina sitting on one of the booths, Josh sitting across from her. 

She’d seen him a total of two times, once for Christmas and once for Thanksgiving.

He was wearing sweats, his hair flattened against his forehead, and he smiled when he saw Louise. “Hey, Louise,” he said.

Louise nodded at him. 

Tina turned around in her chair, head tilting, in surprisingly cute clothes (cropped skinny jeans and a vintage-looking, baggy Boys 4 Now tee). The time in Newark has done her well: her hair had grown out a little bit past her shoulders, black and glossy, and her glasses were new. They’re circular with thin rims, and Louise was almost surprised that she’s able to pull them off. 

“Louise!” Tina greets. 

Louise glanceed from Josh to Tina. Their hands were clasped across the table and she groaned. 

“What is it? Are you tired? Tina asked.

“Yeah, T,” Louise said dryly. “That’s exactly it.” 

“Oh. You should try to get more sleep, then.” 

“I think—“ Josh began, but Louise squinted at him and said, “Ah.” Josh stared back at her and attempted to continue. “I think she was—“ 

“Ah.” 

“Just being—“

“AH!” 

Josh sighed. 

Louise collapsed against a nearby wall, dropping the plastic bag from Reflections down to the ground. 

“Did you see Edith?” Tina asked, standing up to grab the bag from the ground. She hummed satisfactorily when she dumped the supplies onto one of the tables. 

“Did I ever,” Louise mumbled. “She’s coming to the party.” 

“Is she bringing Harold?” 

“Is she—“ Louise blinked. “Is she—bringing Harold? The  _ urn _ ?” 

“I’ve heard that it’s good for them,” Tina said pleasantly. 

“Good for  _ who _ ?” 

Tina opened her mouth to continue, but Louise waved a hand across the air to make sure that she didn’t. Tina opened her mouth again, but closed it almost immediately at Louise’s expression. When she continued, she went in a completely different direction than Louise knew that she wanted to go in. 

“Should we invite Aunt Gayle?” 

Louise let out a choking laugh. “We are  _ not _ inviting Gayle, T.”

“Aunt Gayle.”

“Aunt Gayle.” 

“Okay. Who have you invited?” 

“Uh. Edith.” 

“That’s it? Louise, what the hell!” 

Louise shrugged and said, “Hey, this thing just went into fruition today. I think Zeke’s coming in to work around eleven.” 

Tina stilled at the mention of Zeke’s name, eyebrows furrowed underneath her glasses. 

“Oh,” is all she said, and Louise raised her eyebrows slightly. “Does he…”

“He still works here,” Louise said, answering Tina’s unasked question. 

Tina made a soft, groaning sound in her throat. “Uhhhh...” 

Louise groaned. “It’ll be fine, T.” 

Tina’s voice raised by what seemed like an entire pitch. “Will it, though?” 

Josh looked at Louise strangely. In return, she stuck her tongue out at him. He moved up and places an arm around Tina. Louise faked a vomiting sound and realized that Josh had probably no idea about what happened between Zeke and Tina. 

Louise wasn’t sure she knew, actually. One summer, Tina and Zeke were fine; hanging out during the summers in between college. He’d met Josh a handful of times, too, but one day near the end of summer, the communication between them ended. Tina gave no explanation. Zeke didn’t do any better.

“Tina and I are looking at places here, Louise,” Josh said, and Tina stopped groaning momentarily. 

“Was that the surprise you had?” 

Josh smiled. “Nothing too exciting, I’m afraid.” 

“No kidding.” Josh’s eyebrows stitched together. “I’m  _ kidding _ , Josh.” The next part of her statement was a mumble. “ _ I’mhappyforyou...” _

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Louise said with a twirl, grabbing the streamers from the table and shoving them into Tina’s arms. “You can decorate, T. Josh…” She looked him up and down. “Just, like. Help her?” 

“And what are you going to do?” Josh asked, a hint of teasing attached to his tone. 

“Make coffee,” Louise said, turning on her heel and into the kitchen. 

☄☄☄

Gene arrived at nine AM exactly in that dramatic, flourishing entrance that felt like it was individual to him only. 

“Honey, I’m home!” he shouted as the bell above him dinged. Louise was in the kitchen on her third cup of black coffee pretending to be sorting the kitchen out while Tina and Josh were attaching streamers to the ceiling. 

“Shh!” Louise said, popping her head out of the kitchen window. “You’ll wake the baby,” she whispered. 

“What baby? I only know of one, and that’s Jorge Timothy Clooney!” 

“I think you mean  _ George _ Clooney,” Tina offered helpfully. 

“No, I’m pretty certain his name is Jorge Timothy Clooney. Star actor of  _ The Wedding Singer _ !” 

“Adam Sandler?” Tina asked.

“What? I think you mean Adam Levine, star of  _ American Idol _ and  _ Spy Kids _ !” 

“Oh, okay.” Tina returned to attaching streamers to the ceiling. Josh has the banner spread out across the counter, writing out “Happy 24 th Anniversary!” in big, bubble letters. 

“He’s kidding, Tina,” he whispered to her before straightening up. “Hey, Gene. How’s the city?” 

“It’s citying!” Gene exclaimed, chest puffed out. “Hey, don’t you visit weekly, sir? I know a scam when I see one!” 

“I mean…” Josh’s eyebrows folded into each other. 

“I will not be fooled!” 

Louise moved out of the kitchen, coffee sloshing out of her mug. Josh eyed the steam coming out of it warily. 

“Gene Belcher,” Louise said, head tilting. 

Somehow, out of all of them, it seemed like Gene’s changed the least despite his status of living in an elite city and going to a university in said elite city. His haircut was still the same and how he acts was still the same. It felt weird how, that if Louise was shown a picture of  _ this _ Gene and  _ past  _ Gene, the only difference she’d be able to tell would probably just be the height difference. 

“Excuse me, I think you mean Burger Man,” Gene replied. 

“I—“ Louise rolled her eyes. “I don’t even want to  _ know _ .” 

“Okay, but it’s you who’s missing out!” 

Louise put Gene and Tina on invitation duty and swore up and down that she was cooking in the kitchen when, in reality, she was working on an assignment that was due three days ago. Summer break was in a week, but Louise still had three separate assignments due for three separate classes. 

She’d tried the “turn in a blank Google Doc” trick, and somehow, hadn’t been caught yet. 

“Louise,” Josh said, head peering through the kitchen window, “you don’t look like you’re cooking.” 

Louise didn’t look up, her eyes trained on the laptop sitting on the ground in front of her. Her back faintly hurt from the awkward, craned-forward position she’s in. “You cook then,” she mumbled, biting her lip. “We don’t even have to prep until eleven. Tina and Gene are just dumb.”

“Do you miss them?” Josh asked seriously, and Louise stopped typing at that. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean…you just spent your entire lives with them.” 

“Whatever, Josh,” Louise scoffed. “Feel lucky I haven’t skinned you alive for dating my sister.” 

Josh cringed. He went quiet after that, but he came into the kitchen anyway and started slicing tomatoes. 

“My dad’ll kill you if you cook anything,” Louise said from her now sprawled-out position on the ground, legs kicked back to touch her back. “Scratch that,  _ I’ll _ kill you.” 

“I won’t,” Josh said 

Louise was briefly glad that he wasn’t Jimmy Jr.—that Tina was dating Josh instead—and she almost said so to him, but she kicked herself internally before she could say anything nice to him. 

Because if there was one thing Louise Belcher  _ wasn’t _ , it’s being nice.  _ Especially _ to Tina’s boyfriends and  _ especially  _ after the Jimmy Jr. situation. 

“Does your mom seriously want a party?” Josh asked.

Louise pulled her knees to her chest. “Stop trying to make conversation,” she muttered, and Josh fell quiet, his fall falling slightly.

Her first assignment was finished in the silence of the kitchen. 

☄☄☄

By eleven, Bob broke free from upstairs and stood in the middle of the apartment, his hair askew and his expression entirely enraged. 

“I lost  _ hours _ of prep, Louise,” he said as he stumbled in, apron partly on, voice turning screechy in that  _ Bob Belcher  _ sense. “Hours.” 

Louise blew him a raspberry from her spot on the bar stool. She and Josh had gotten the banner up outside, and Zeke had shown up about half an hour before Bob arrived. He busied himself in the kitchen before Tina and Gene got back. 

“Hey there, Mr. B,” Zeke called from the kitchen, popping his head out around the window. 

“Hi, Zeke,” Bob said with a sigh. 

“I’ve got the grill here all fired up and ready now, Mr. B!” 

“Uh…thanks.” Bob’s gaze moved to the Burger of the Day Board and his eyes narrowed. “Louise, why does the board say that the burger of the day is the  _ Beet Your Kids Burger _ ?” 

“Sorry, father, I am suddenly deaf,” Louise quipped, typing another sentence or two onto her fourth, and final, assignment. 

“What board?” Gene exclaimed with a gasp, looking around with comically wide eyes. “Wait, is this a  _ burger _ place?” 

“Oh, my God,” Bob groaned.

Zeke stuck his head further out the window to see Josh and Tina sitting at a booth, Tina’s expression stoic and staring straight ahead. 

“Hiya, T-Bird, girl!” Zeke called. He nodded at Josh and grinned. Between Jimmy Jr., Josh, and Zeke, Louise didn’t mind the latter two. 

Tina mumbled a slow, drawn-out groan before saying, “Hi, Zeke.” 

Zeke nodded again before withdrawing back into the kitchen. Louise glanced at him once and then at Tina, who continued to groan. 

Bob shot her a look. “Tina, hush.” 

The groaning got louder.

“You alright there, girl?” Zeke shouted from the kitchen.

“She’s fine, Zeke,” Louise replied.

Right as Bob swung the door to the kitchen open, Linda slammed the door open to the restaurant, breathing hard as if she’d been running. 

“Oh, Bobby, you sneak, you!” she shouted, hands on knees. “We were gonna wait for the  _ par-tay _ ,” she continued.

“We don’t need a party, Lin.” Bob moved into the kitchen, Linda trailing behind him, small hand attached to his shirt collar, trying to pull him back towards the door. “If anything,  _ I _ should’ve been in charge.”

“Why?”

“Because this is my—never mind.”

Louise worked on her assignment as Bob prepped the restaurant for the lunch rush, Zeke slicing vegetables. 

By twelve, people Gene and Tina had invited started shuffling in. Teddy comes in first, paunchier around the waist than Louise remembered but wearing a wide grin. He didn’t visit the restaurant as often as he used to back when she was a kid.

“Bobby!” he warbled, arms spread out, “happy anniversary, you big bastard.” 

“Uh…thanks, Teddy,” Bob replied from the kitchen, his apron stained with grease.

“Twenty-five years. I just can’t believe it,” Teddy said with a sniff. 

“Hm.” Bob made his way out of the kitchen and leaned against the counter. “Do you want a burger? Our special is”—he craned his head to glance at the Burger of the Day chalkboard, eyebrows knitting together—“uh, not…that. Louise, please change it.”

“Never!” 

“I’ll take a  _ Beet Your Kids Burger _ , Bobby,” Teddy said. 

“Oh, my God. Don’t say that, Teddy,” Bob groaned. 

“What? Burger? Why don’t you want me to say burger?” 

Bob retreated into the kitchen with a loud sigh. 

Mort came in next, Gretchen almost right after him, and then Edith came in, Harold’s urn clutched in her arms. 

“See!” Tina shouted to Louise when she saw the urn. “I told you she’d bring it!” 

Bob stuck his head out of the kitchen window. “Louise, what is she doing here?” he hissed. 

“What’s that, Harold? You hate this place?” Edith announced loudly. 

“I invited her,” Louise replied. 

“Why would you—okay. That’s fine. Edith, would you like a burger?” 

“From this place? Never!” 

“This is a party, now,” Tina said approvingly. Faint pop played from the speakers, but it wasn’t too loud or too-packed inside the restaurant. 

Louise finished her fourth assignment ten minutes after everybody arrived and slammed her laptop shut, jumping out of her seat. 

She contemplated grabbing a beer because even Tina was drinking one, still sitting in a booth with Josh and Gene. Instead, after looking around, she decided to stand outside for a momentary breather. 

When she got outside, it felt warmer, so she shed her leather jacket off and dropped it by her feet. 

Inside, she could see her dad smiling as he doled out burgers. A couple walked past Louise and into the store after seeing the anniversary banner. 

Louise leaned against the wall. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a sudden flash of familiar-looking sandy-blonde hair. She jolted up and looked down the street, but she didn’t see who she thought she’d seen. 

She spent another minute scrutinizing the streets, almost surprised as to why she cared so much. She hadn’t seen Logan Bush in  _ years _ . And if she saw him again, she didn’t get why it would matter. Besides, even if she  _ did _ see him, there were only two things she could do. 

A: Punch him.

B: Punch him.

After a final glance down the street, she picked her jacket up from the ground and made her way back into the restaurant, arms spread wide to continue to celebrate. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been telling my friends that i was going to do this for WEEKS and here it is. well, the beginning at least.  
> i hate myself entirely and so does my almost-finished manuscript of my friggin' ACTUAL novel


	2. 2009: He Sucks at Skateboarding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three months later: here's chapter two! It is a flashback because...family dynamic! and! development! Hope everybody enjoys (:

The four words most commonly used by Louise’s parents to describe her birth had always been “our happy little surprise.”

For a lot of parents, “surprise” was the kind of word used to cover up what they actually meant: “mistake.”

But Louise never felt like a mistake. She never felt out of place and she never felt like she didn’t deserve to live with her family. She grew up with loving parents and loving siblings and there was nothing else in the world that she’d ever possibly trade those two things for.

☄☄☄

Louise Belcher met Logan Bush at the ripe age of nine-years-old. She was, in her own words, a pain in the ass and didn’t plan on being any less of one. In her world, she was mostly left unchallenged, by her own classmates, older kids, and even parents. Even Tammy Larson had some form of grudging respect for her—definitely more than she had for Tina.

So, when she walked through the steps that Logan and his friends were staying at, nothing could’ve prepared her for how to react to the absolutely appalling lack of respect that he had for her.

☄☄☄

“Do you really think that I can fit twelve carrots in my mouth, Louise?” Rudy asked, wheezing, and he took out his inhaler.

Louise stared him down. “Rudy, baby,” she began, “there’s no way that you _couldn’t_. You’re a hotshot, honey!”

“Okay,” Rudy said, and proceeded to pile carrot after carrot into his mouth.

Business done, Louise slid her tray down the table and stood up, moving to sit down next to Tina and Gene.

“Look at Rudy,” she said with a snort.

Tina glanced over her shoulders. “He’s choking,” she pointed out.

“That’s the best part,” Louise replied.

“No, that’s pizza!” Gene said.

“Will he be okay?” Tina asked, concerned. Louise tossed a glance to Rudy.

“He’ll be fine,” she affirmed.

“Lou-ise…,” Rudy wheezed, hand at throat. “I did it.”

Louise nodded approvingly, giving Rudy a brief applause. She stood up on the table bench. “Everybody, clap for Rudy!” she shouted. Zeke immediately started clapping with a whoop, and after Jimmy Jr. looked at him, he started clapping, too.

From the back of the cafeteria, Mr. Frond squawked, running over to Rudy. Louise could see him pounding on Rudy’s back from the corner of her eyes.

“Oh, great,” Louise mumbled after Mr. Frond turned his murderous glare onto her. She swiveled around to face him as he began to stalk over.

“Principal Frond, you rang?” she said, wide-eyed. “Oh, wait, I’m sorry. I forgot that you’re only a guidance counselor.”

The insult seemed to fly right over his head. “Principal Frond....I could get used to that—no, Philip! You’re only a guidance counselor for now.”

Louise stifled a chuckled and dug an elbow into Tina’s waist.

“Ow,” Tina mumbled.

“Louise, that was completely out of line!” Mr. Frond shouted, waving an arm towards Rudy.

“I’m sorry,” Louise replied, making her eyes go even wider. She lowered her voice and blinked sadly. “Things have been hard, you know?”

“What?”

“My parents are getting a divorce.”

Tina made a stifled sound in her throat and Louise elbowed her harder this time.

Frond looked excited. “Do you…want to talk about it? To, to process it, I mean?”

“Oh, I want to do _so_ much processing, Mr. Frond. You don’t even _know_.”

Frond twiddled his thumbs. He cleared his throat, and in his nasally voice, he said, “I think I might have an idea.”

“Oh-ho-ho, we’ll see about that. Do you still have repressed memory Emily? We’re gonna need her. Scratch that, we’re gonna need repressed memory Emily _and_ portion control Joel.”

She nodded towards Gene, who went, “Hey!”

“There’s a _lot_ of trauma hidden under here.” She tapped her bunny ears. “You know? A _lot_ of repression, Mr. Frond.”

“Of course, Louise, of course. How have you been taking the divorce?”

“AH! Not here, Frond!” Louise screamed, and a few kids from the table behind them turned their heads to look at them. Mr. Frond waved his arms frantically in an attempt to make them look away.

“It’s traumatic for her,” Gene said, chomping on a piece of pizza.

“Yeah,” Tina added in, surprising Louise, “Mom and Dad didn’t want her. She doesn’t like to talk about it in public.”

“How _could you!_ ” Louise shoved Mr. Frond away dramatically. “I-I trusted you.”

“I—Louise, I’m so sorry,” Frond said quickly. “I had no idea.”

“You should’ve asked!” She shot a glare at him and Mr. Frond stumbled back as if he’d been punched in the gut. “You _disgust_ me.”

“Yeah! Like green beans!” Gene said.

“Come on, Louise. We can talk about this in my office—use your ABS,” Mr. Frond says nervously.

“NO! Rudy, put thirty carrots in your mouth now!” Louise said across the table.

“Okay,” Rudy called, gathering another handful of carrots.

“Rudy, do _not_ ,” Mr. Frond said, whipping his head from Rudy to Louise.

“Oh my gosh, what do I do.” Rudy looked at his handful of carrots and to Mr. Frond.

“Eat the carrots, Rudy!”

“Do not eat the carrots!”

“My parents are divorced, Mr. Frond. This helps me cope. RUDY, EAT THE FRICKIN’ CARROTS!”

Immediately, Rudy shoved two handfuls of carrots into his mouth and began to choke again. Mr. Frond stared at him for a moment, gasping a high-pitched gasp, before running back over to him.

“God, Frond is an idiot,” Louise said with a laugh, waving her hand.

“Umm.” Gene stared at Rudy, inching his neck forward to get a better look at him. “I think he’s dying.”

“What?” Louise flapped a hand down. “Pfft. He’s fine, Gene.”

The coughing in the background got louder.

“If Jimmy Jr. dies, I want his braces,” Tina said.

Both Louise and Gene groan.

“What?”

Moments later, Frond marched over, hands planted on his hips. “You are out of control, Louise,” he snapped. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to call your parents to discuss this divorce. This acting out will _not_ be tolerated further.”

☄☄☄

“Suspended?” Linda shouted with a groan.

She and Louise were sitting across from Mr. Frond, who had his hands folded across his desk.

“I’d _highly_ recommend placing Louise in a facility dealing with behavior disorders—“

“Oh, she just made a silly little joke!”

“She told me that her parents were divorced and almost _killed_ a poor boy!”

“He willingly ate those carrots,” Louise mumbled.

“I’m sure he did, Louise.” Mr. Frond’s voice dipped to a hissed whisper. “He has _asthma_ , you know. People like him aren’t—their brains don’t work the same.”

Louise stared blankly at Mr. Frond. “Do you know what asthma is?”

“It makes them—it makes them stupid—oh, never mind. You’re still suspended!”

Linda stood up and whipped her cardigan off of the chair. “Come on, Miss-Missy. Let’s get out of here.” She stared at Mr. Frond with eyes cut to a slant.

Louise hopped out of her chair, grinning victoriously.

Linda grabbed her hand, huffed, and made her way to the door.

“Linda,” Frond said, voice tinny.

Louise tossed a look over her shoulder, eyes level with Frond. He held a sheepish hand at the back of his head.

“Tell Gayle I say hello, please.”

Linda squinted again and swung the door open. The flustered principal stood right next to the door, hand on handle. Before Mr. Frond had come inside to suspend Louise, Louise and Linda heard him arguing with the principal about being allowed to tell Louise before locking the principal out of his office.

The principal straightened up, cheeks reddening. He stared down at Louise, eyes dark. “I hope you plan to make better choices, young lady.”

Louise let out a choking laugh. “Yeah, right,” she muttered.

“Louise,” Linda snapped, voice low. She didn’t have to say anything else. Her voice wasn’t like Bob’s when she’s mad; it got low and angry and Louise almost immediately knew to shut up.

“ANOTHER DAY OF SUSPENSION, LOUISE!” Mr. Frond screamed from his office.

The principal pursed his lips and blinked for a second too long. “No, Frond,” he called, fingers pressing into his temple. “Not another day.”

“Fire him,” Louis whispered, staring right back up at the principal.

“I—“ his began, finger raising to point at Louise, but his voice faltered immediately because Mr. Frond began to yell.

“Fire _her_!” Frond shouted, face red.

“No, fire him!”

“Her!”

“Him!”

“Her!”

Linda moved forward and slammed the door of Frond’s office shut. “We’re going,” she said, voice cool.

“That’s fine—“

Linda moved forward before the principal finished speaking, yanking Louise along.

“Ow!” Louise muttered with a sulk. “You’re hurting me.”

Linda’s eyebrows pinched together. She looked as if she’d eaten something sour. When they made it to the old, rusted car and Louise climbed into the front seat, Linda let out a sigh.

“This is your third suspension this month, Louise,” Linda said.

Louise smirked. “I’m aiming for four,” she replied.

“Hmph.”

Linda started the car. Louise could tell that she was mad, but she didn’t really understand why. She could apologize. But then again, she didn’t know what she was supposed to apologize for.

“Mom—“

“Louise, can you just—“ Linda pressed her hands against her temples. “Please, honey.”

Louise fell silent. Linda was rarely so upset that she fell silent; her anger almost always involved various “hmphs” and “humphs.”

She thought about the last time she’d gotten in a lot of trouble. When Linda snuck her out of detention.

Louise snuck one final look at her mom before slinking down in her seat and pulling her bunny ears over her head.

The rest of the drive home was quiet. When she and her mother walk into the restaurant, Linda wearing a scowl, Bob stuck his head out from the serving window.

“What’s Louise doing here?” he asked, brows suddenly notched. “Wait, no, this is good. Are you sick?”

Louise shook her head.

“Okay, then you can serve—“

“No, Bob. She cannot serve,” Linda muttered between gritted teeth, foot tapping the ground.

“What? Lin, why?”

“She’s suspended.”

Bob reached up to scratch his mustache. “Can she—can she not serve? I don’t get it.”

“She told Mr. Frond that we were getting divorced to get out of getting in trouble for almost killing her friend, the one who can’t breathe right—regular-sized Rudy.”

“Is this—is this, out of the ordinary or something?”

“Mom’s just PMS-ing.”

Bob slid his eyes to Louise momentarily. “ _Louise_.”

“She’s grounded, Bob.”

“So…she can’t work?”

“No, Bob! She’s going to spend the day in her bedroom and think about what she’s done.”

“Wait, what? No way!” Louise shouted.

“I don’t suggest you talk back, little miss missy.”

Louise narrowed her eyes. “I’ll think about what I’ve done when hell freezes over,” she muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing. I will…go think about what I’ve done, Mother. In my bedroom. Alone.”

Louise turned on her heel and skipped out the door. As she left, she heard Bob say, “I think she’s going to leave, Lin.”

“Yeah, to her bedroom. Like I told her to.”

“No, like—like—not to her room.”

“Why wouldn’t she? She just told me that she’s going to go to her room.”

Bob let out a half-snort, half-chuckle. “Because she’s _Louise_ , Linda.”

Louise was already half way down the block and turning the curb when she heard Linda shout, “LOUISE!” from the restaurant.

☄☄☄

She found refuge at Wonder Wharf. It was big and she counted at least five people in various dolphin costumes. At the very least, it would throw Linda and Bob off. As she ran down the dock, eyes glued anywhere but in front of her, she slammed into Mr. Fischoeder.

“Whoa!” their tall landlord said, pushing Louise back by her shoulders. His eyes crinkled in distaste as he stared at her. His lips folded back into a thin line, eyes analyzing. “Hello, small Belcher child,” he finally said. He bends forward, hand over eyes. “Do your parents happen to be here?”

Louise’s eyes dart from their landlord to the Wonder Wharf gates. “No,” she decided to say, thinking it was the safest option she had.

His eyebrows raised. “No?” he asked. “Because I would love to talk about the rent—“

Louise nodded once before ducking down and sprinting away.

“Wait, young—little Burger child!” Mr. Fischoeder shouted, but Louise got out of his eyesight quickly, weaving between the legs of people. She ran back out of Wonder Wharf, taking a left.

She barely stopped to consider that this may have been a bad idea.

☄☄☄

The sun was sinking in the darkening sky and Louise was walking on the sidewalk when she finally considered to think that maybe, just maybe, this was a _terrible_ idea. But she pushed that thought out of her head almost immediately and kept on. She’d have to head back home once Linda was asleep.

When the sun turned into a tiny little freckle of light, Louise decided she needed to turn around.

But there was just one problem.

She was lost.

☄☄☄

She turned left for probably the third time when she saw _him_.

“Oh, hell no,” she mumbled upon the sight of _Logan Bush_.

He saw her just as she saw him, his nose wrinkling in the same way that she knew hers did. He stood on a black glossy skateboard, clearly new, and an equally-as-new-looking black helmet laid upside down next to him.

“Smellcher,” he said with a sneer.

Louise rolled her eyes. She doesn’t bother saying anything to him, but as she stomped past him, she clutched her ears close to her head. Just as a precautionary measure. Logan Berry Bush had proved himself, for the most part, to be an untrustworthy adversary. He may have fooled her twice, but he wasn’t going to do it again.

“What are you even doing out here?” he asked.

“None of your freakin’ beeswax,” Louise replied, walking at a brisk pace. Logan let out a muffled curse. She heard the scraping of a helmet and then the sound of wheels against concrete. For some reason, Logan was skating next to her to keep speed. Louise tossed one brief glance at him. He looked like an idiot, balancing his helmet in one hand and holding his other arm out as if he was making a concentrated effort to stay balanced on the skateboard.

“This way isn’t to your dad’s stupid restaurant.” The skateboard hit a rock or something, because Logan jumped off of it and the board scattered. He quickly leaned down to grab the board and walked next to her.

“I know,” Louise said, and she promptly turned in the opposite direction. “And our restaurant isn’t stupid,” she mumbled.

Logan’s eyes narrowed. He pressed his thumb against his eyebrow. Logan was dumb, but he wasn’t a complete idiot. “Smellcher,” he said, grin creeping across his face, “are you… _lost_?”

“What?” Louise blew a raspberry. “I’m not.”

“Okay. Where are we, then?”

Louise glanced up to take in her surroundings. The around them walls were a grimy brick. “The…ally.”

“Oh, yeah?” Logan’s wide grin remained plastered across his face. Louise would do anything to make it disappear. “Which ally?”

“Shut up, Logan,” she muttered between gritted teeth. “Don’t you have any friends your own age to terrorize? Oh, wait, I forgot. You have none.”

“I have friends,” Logan muttered.

“Oh, that’s _rich_. I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Logan didn’t reply with anything else.

“Why are you even following me, creep?

Logan’s eyes darkened. “Because if you get lost and then die, I’ll be blamed for it.”

Louise let out a choked laugh. “I know exactly where I’m going.”

“You were supposed to turn just now.”

Louis spun around on her heel and turned down the road. “I know. I was just…testing you.”

“I’m certain,” Logan said dryly. Louise’s hands remained clenched to her bunny ears. He pulled his phone out and flipped it open. Louise tilted her head to glance at the time. Seven PM.

 _Damn_.

“What’re you even doing out here?”

“I already told you. It’s none of your business.”

Logan glanced around as if he was looking for somewhere to escape, but then he sighed and kept walking next to Louise.

“I got suspended,” Louise said after a few minutes of walking had passed. The only sounds that she’d heard for the past five minutes were the crunch of her feet against the gravel and the occasional bird chirp. It was oddly empty on the sidewalk. She didn’t think that she’d ever taken this way home before.

“You?” Logan snorted. “When _aren_ ’ _t_ you suspended?”

“Not like _this_ ,” Louise said defensively. “Usually it’s—at school.”

“What’d you do?”

“Mr. Frond can’t take a joke.” At Logan’s expression, she went, “I told him my parents were divorced.”

Logan stared at her for a moment. He didn’t laugh. “Why would you even—okay.”

“It was funny,” Louise muttered.

“Ah, yes. And that’s why you’re suspended.”

“I also…made Rudy choke on carrots. Twice.”

“Regular-sized Rudy?”

“Yeah. How do you even?—“

“Family friend.”

Louise scrunched her nose. “Ew. Poor Rudy,” she said, and Logan glowered at her.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re out here,” he said.

At that, Louise shrugged. She wasn’t even sure she can even answer that.

“I’m nine,” she decided to say.

Logan let out a sharp laugh that he covered as a cough. “Right. And that automatically means that you’re an idiot.”

“No, but I can get out of getting in trouble,” Louise replied. “Are we…close to my…dad’s restaurant yet?”

Logan gave her a side-eye glare. “I thought you knew where you were going, Smellcher.”

“Shut up.”

Logan placed his skateboard down on the ground, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. Louise stopped, too.

“What are you doing, you idiot?” she snapped.

Logan chose to ignore that. “We’re close to your stupid restaurant.” He picked his helmet up and dropped it on top of her head. It covered her eyes and she had to push it back up. “But,” Logan climbed onto his skateboard, “we can go faster if you want to ride this thing.”

“You look like you got this yesterday,” Louise said flatly.

“It was a week ago, but whatever—“

“You’re proving my point. Can I sit down?”

“ _Can you sit_ —okay. Sure.”

Louise dropped down, pulling her knees to her chest. Logan lifted a foot and kicked it against the ground, and they went flying down the sidewalk. Logan wasn’t as terrible on the skateboard as he’d looked when Louise had stumbled upon him.

Within a few minutes, Louise recognized where they were. She saw Edith standing outside of her shop, who sneered at Louise. After another few minutes pass, they stop in front of the restaurant. Louise climbed up off of the board, arms pulled together.

“I still hate you,” she muttered to Logan.

His eyebrows raised. “Likewise,” he replied, and then he dropped his board back to the ground and he was gone in a flash of the red and white of his tee shirt.

As Louise entered the restaurant, she hoped that she’d never have to deal with the misfortune of seeing Logan Bush again.

When Linda saw her, she swore that she was grounded for the next month while Louise told Tina and Gene that she’d fought a wolf on her way home, and both Linda and Louise would raise their voices to talk over each other. 

Bob managed to convince Linda that Louise didn’t need to be grounded but made her take orders for an hour that Friday while Gene and Tina went to the beach with Zeke and Jimmy Jr. She spent her suspension working with her dad while her mom worked in the basement, and it wasn’t entirely terrible. She returned to school with a hundred more ideas on how to terrorize Mr. Frond and a new skip in her step.

Life was good.

☄☄☄

Summer washed over Ocean City in a flash of heat and tourism. Louise was ready to get back to roaming the streets of New Jersey with Gene and Tina, but despite the heat, school was still going on.

On the last day of school, the AC went out and the entire Wagstaff body spent the rest of the day outside. There’d been some field day planned, with waterslides and snow cones. Louise had her swimsuit on underneath her clothes, but the waterslide looked mediocre and the snow cones barely had enough syrup.

She, Gene, Tina, Zeke, and Jimmy Jr. were sprawled out in the grass by the bounce house when Louise said, “Let’s go.”

“Let’s go!” Gene shouted back as Tina said, “Where, Louise?”

Louise stood up. “Mr. Frond’s office,” she said. “We should play a senior prank.”

“But we’re not seniors,” Tina said.

“I’m a senior in my heart!” Gene shouted.

“Yer going to Mr. Frond’s office?” Zeke asked. “Heck, I’d love to go!”

Jimmy Jr’s head swiveled towards Zeke. “Wait, Zeke, you’re going? I’ll go, too.”

Tina smiled. “We can be partners, Jimmy Jr.”

Jimmy Jr glanced at her. “Uhh, sure.”

Without a second thought, the five of them trekked toward the school. Seemingly, no one was guarding the school. As they veered closer to the front doors, the school seemed fully deserted.

“What’re we going to do, Louise?”

“We should make printer copies of our butts,” Gene said. At that, Zeke snickered and held out a hand for Gene to high five. Jimmy Jr’s face went slack.

“Yeah, we should make printer copies of our butts! And our eyes! Right, Zeke?”

“Our eyes? Now that’s just weird, J-Ju.”

Jimmy Jr’s glare landed on Gene, who was seemingly oblivious to the absolutely murderous expression that was being thrown on him.

“I hate you, Gene,” Louise just barely heard Jimmy Jr. say, his voice skewered from his lisp.

“What was that?” Gene asked.

“I think Jimmy Jr. said ‘I’d date you,’ but I don’t know what it means,” Tina offered unhelpfully.

“I didn’t say that,” Jimmy Jr. muttered.

“I’d date me, too!” Gene shouted.

“I didn’t say that!” Jimmy Jr. repeated loudly, but he was ignored by both Gene and Zeke. His glare switched to Tina, who looked crushed. Louise felt compelled to stick out a foot to trip him, but ultimately decided against it.

As they entered the school, Jimmy Jr. ran forward, arms splayed out. He spun around.

“I—uh!—love to—uh!—dance!”

He tossed a glance to Zeke, who remained in an animated conversation with Gene. But before he could say anything, Louise made a beeline for Frond’s office, the four other Wagstaff students following right behind her.

Mr. Frond’s office seemed almost…smaller without him in it. His therapy dolls lined the walls, and book after book crowded his tiny desk.

“What’re we gonna do?” Jimmy Jr. whispered, mystified.

“Uhhh, are you sure that we should be here, Louise?” Tina asked with a slight groan.

“Of course we are, dummy. Why else would he leave his office unlocked?”

Immediately, Zeke and Gene raced towards the photocopy machine in the back of Mr. Frond’s office, pants down.

“Here, Jimmy Jr.,” Tina said, colored pencils in one hand and construction paper in the other. “We can leave silly notes. See?” She waved her five-second sketch of a stick person and a cat with the caption ‘meowtastic!’

“That’s not funny, Tina,” he replied, eyes trained on Zeke and Gene.

“Damnit. Playing hard to get. Two can play at that game,” Tina whispered.

“Uh…what?”

“Nothing, Jebediah Jr.”

“My name’s Jimmy Jr.”

“Oh, is it? Sorry.”

“You know my name, Tina.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I just thought—“

“Well, don’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I guess. Just—don’t do that.”

“Okay. I got it.”

Louise, who was currently renaming the therapy dolls by sticking post-it notes to their faces (“Molester Joe” and “Molestee Emily”), whispered, “This is gonna be _great._ ”

Gene grabbed the photocopies of his and Gene’s butts and scattered them across Frond’s desk. “Should I sign it?” he asked.

“Nah, anonymous artists are always cooler,” Louise replied.

“You’re right,” Gene said with an approving nod.

Just as Louise was adding her finishing touches to Frond’s office—hanging one of the therapy dolls from the ceiling fan—the door knob began to turn.

“ _Damn_ ,” Tina said. “Looks like we’re busted.”

“Under the desk!” Louise shouted, and all five of them crowd under the desk right as Mr. Frond walked in and gasped.

“W-what is this?” he said to himself. “What is Self-Care Claire doing _hanging_ from the ceiling fan? That isn’t self-care.” As he moved closer to the desk (“ _Molester_ Joe? _Molestee_ Emily? No, this isn’t right. This isn’t right at all.”), Louise said, “Scatter!” 

They all jumped out from under the desk and ran out of Frond’s office before he even had the chance to turn around.

Mr. Frond knew it was them, and Louise knew that he knew that it was them, but the school day still ended with snow cones with extra syrup and a trip to Wonder Wharf.

☄☄☄

Louise celebrated her tenth birthday nearing the end of June with coffee ice cream cake that was supposed to be chocolate and a badly-wrapped present that she loved more than anything else in the world (a _Kuchi Kopi_ stuffed animal).

When her dad left the kitchen with the already-melting ice cream cake with candles stuck jaggedly into the frosting, Gene started to play a “jingle” through his keyboard. Bob placed the cake in front of her and as she blew the candles out, she said, “I wish for a million dollars.” Bob rolled his eyes and Linda laughed and Louise laughed even harder.

She said that because she didn’t have anything to wish for. She’d never tell her parents, but everything felt perfect.

If she could make one wish, she’d wish for this moment to freeze exactly how it was.

☄☄☄

“Spitball, spitball, spitball—and, score!”

“Louise, stop blowing spitballs at your sister.”

“ _Dad_ , I’m practicing!”

“I don’t mind,” Tina said.

Bob, donning a grease-stained white apron, let out a heavy sigh. Louise could hear the burgers sizzling on the grill. Today had been slow, but they’d still had a few customers come in. Tina and Louise were pretending to fill the condiments while Gene was pretending to clean the basement.

“At least do them from farther away,” he said. “You’re too close. You’ll never improve your aim.”

“Can I practice on you?”

“Absolutely not.”

“But, Dad! You’re farther away!”

“I said no, Louise. Either at least keep pretending to work or go bother someone else.”

“Can I bother someone else outside?”

“I—I guess?”

Louise jumped up out of the booth and ran to the edge of the basement. “GENE, WE’RE FREE! LET’S GO TO THE NEW WONDER WHARF RIDE!”

“No, wait, I just meant—“ Before Bob could even finish, Louise, Gene, and Tina were already gone, a sudden silence left in their wake.

“Are you—kidding—me,” Bob whispered.

“What, Bobby?” Linda asked, climbing up from the basement. “Wait, where’d the kids go?”

Outside, Louise, Tina, and Gene raced down the sidewalk and towards Wonder Wharf. Above them, the summer sun shone down on them.

When they get to Wonder Wharf, they convince Mickey to give them free cotton candy and Gene ate so much that he threw up as they went down the Ferris Wheel.

“Do you think we should be helping Mom and Dad?” Tina asked as they were waiting in line for the _Adrenaline Rush_ , the new rollercoaster at Wonder Wharf.

“What? This is way more fun,” Louise said.

“Yeah. I’d almost rather be doing this than working!” Gene said.

“Is that sarcasm?” Tina asked.

“No.”

“Oh. Okay.”

How long the line was and how hot it was outside would’ve made the wait unbearable, but Louise was nine-years-old and this new roller coaster was just about the best thing to happen in her life. Neither she nor Gene nor Tina complained when the wait bordered an hour, and even though she was probably too short to ride (she somehow convinced the roller coaster operator that her bunny ears contributed to her height), she threw her hands up as that roller coaster began to climb the mechanic hill.

The scream she let out left her throat raw as the rollercoaster cascaded down the hills, and her legs were so wobbly as she climbed out of the seat that she almost fell over. But she didn't care and neither did Gene and neither did Tina and she felt convinced that this summer was going to be one of the bests even though she said that every year.


End file.
